The Dr reports on a strange phenomena: our local supermarket no longer stocks razor blades in the aisle with the other Man Toiletries. Henceforth, blades shall be dispensed from behind the counter with the fags and scratch-away dreams.
The reason, as spelled out on a firm-but-fair notice, is that blades are too commonly pinched.
So is there a black market in razor blades, with people hawking them pub-to-pub in the same tatty carrier as their knocked-off DVDs?
Or do shoppers pocket the shiny, slim packs as they otherwise pay for their groceries?
Also, what is the difference between “gel” and “hydra gel”, as offered in soap from Gillette? I assume it's something to do with water, and not that if you cut yourself shaving you grow another head. But isn't a gel wet and hydrating anyway?
And, since I’m on to the prostitution of meaning in adverts, does anyone else squawk with rage at the Credit Suisse promise of “wealth protection”? I think of the synonyms "hoard" and "stash", and of a dragon asleep on dwarf-treasure.
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My bête noir is the offer of a "sensible, secured loan" in a tone of voice that suggests that "secured" is a good thing for me.
Oh, and shops that advertise "All light bulbs from £1" and suchlike, and expect me to conclude that that sentence carries information about the price of their lightbulbs. Or indeed, any information at all.
...and why is it that only three years ago I was happily shaving my chin with two blade heads. Why do I now need three blades...no, four blades...no, five blades that vibrate?
What do these people think I'm cutting through in a morning?
"What do these people think I'm cutting through in a morning?"
The thinking seems to be that if you have to shave the same area again to catch missed bits, then you unduly irritate the skin.
But, er, if each stroke means you're shaving with so many extra blades, don't you not only irritate the skin where you missed bits, but also the whole rest of your face?
In our local store they have resorted to keeping the coffee (well, the Gold Blend at least) behind the counter for the very same reason... Coffee thieves eh? Who'd have thought it!?
Whilst the UK heads for 5 blades, Sri Lanka is plastered with adverts for the Gillette 2, making it a surprisingly low Level Two country on the Gillette scale of economic progress.
Although perhaps "how stupid the toothbrushes look" would be a more accurate measure.
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