Friday, March 13, 2009

How to make a banana look EXACTLY like a penguin

Bananas are good. They contain zinc. And can be made to look EXACTLY like penguins. Here's how:

Step one.
Take a banana, any banana. In these enlightened times, a straight one works just as fine as a bent one. Hold the banana with the stalk bit pointing up, the curve of the banana pointing away from you. Almost as if the banana is a longbow and you're about to fire it.


Step two.
Grasp the stalk and yank it backwards. The skin around the front of the stalk should crack easily. Pulling on the stalk, you should be able to peel backwards, down the outer, long curve of the banana. Ideally, you should have about a third of the circumference of the banana attached to the stalk, two-thirds still gripping the soft flesh. You might need to tear a bit to make that work. This is within the rules.


Step three.
Now confront the two-thirds of skin gripping the inner curve of the banana. Split it down the middle, to about half the length of the banana. Let the flaps flap. I'm sure your flaps will be much more evenly distributed than mine; no matter. Can you see what it is yet?

Step four.
Now flip the stalky flap back up, so it rests on the top of the banana. Say, that stalk looks EXACTLY like a penguin's beak. And those side flaps are EXACTLY like it's wings. Hot damn and hot diggedy, you've achieved alchemy! And must be burnt as witch.

Amaze your friends! Baffle your enemies! And chuck some money at Comic Relief.

9 comments:

Jonny Morris said...

You are clearly the next Heston Blumenthal. Well done.

Charlotte said...

You are a very foolish man. You'll be pleased to know there are now more banana penguins in the kitchen.

Spaceminx said...

Next week, how to make an avocado look like a great crested grebe...

Le Mc said...

Looks more like a seagull to me ...

Anonymous said...

You have far too much time on your hands.

Tara said...

I so need to buy bananas, now.

spastasmagoria said...

but can you make a penguin look like a banana?

Ann said...

You are the only person on the net to have a picture of a penguin banana. I am astounded more people haven't discovered this wonder of nature.

0tralala said...

I am astounded too. We must evangelise.